Home for the Summer

When it dawned on me that I had to start packing and actually prepare to go home, get a job and spend the whole summer in Bakersfield, I got kinda upset and really depressed. I did not want to go back to Bakersfield-- I didn't think there was anything left for me there. I was just looking it as, "I'm gonna work, live alone with Jerie and hang out with four people all summer". Not exactly my idea of a great summer. But then as time has come closer to me actually moving back (I move out of the dorms tomorrow) I am super excited. I'm actually way excited to be coming back to Bakersfield. As weird as this sounds, it is completely true.

I didn't really think I would hang out with anyone other than Debbie, Austin, Alex and Zach, but come to think of it, I have so many friends to hang out with! I have all, well almost all of, my friends from high school to hang out with, I just need to call them. As awkward as it might be the first time to call them after a whole school year away, I know that it will be so worth it. Not only do I have my friends from school, but I have my friends from church. Although I haven't talked to them in like two years, they are still my friends. Now that I know for sure that they don't care anymore about what I have done and that they don't care that I am not like them, I feel so much more comfortable hanging out with them. I feel like I just needed to accept my actions and be okay with them before I would believe that anyone else would be okay with them. Now, I am positive everyone else is okay with them, and if they aren't then I don't have to hang out with them.

Not only do I have people to hang out with, but I have so much to do. Realistically I will not be working every day and on my days off there is nothing stopping me from driving to the beach, or going to Magic Mountain or just hanging out with my friends. There is so much that I can do this summer and I just need to take advantage of it. If I don't work one weekend I could always go down and spend it with my Oma. I would love to spend more time with her. I would also love to drive down and spend more time with my sister and her daughter. The possibilities are endless and I am pretty amped to discover new things that are available to me this year.

I think really what has changed is that I am not being so negative about all of this anymore. I changed my perspective and I am glad I am coming back now. I was really dreading the thought of coming home before, but now I am happy. The only thing that I am not happy about is the fact that I will not get to see my dad basically at all. But there is nothing I can do about that, so I just need to get over it and learn to deal with it. Jerie and I are going to work on our relationship and I am going to try my hardest to get along with her. There is no reason we should not get along anymore and it is just so much easier not being mad at her. I really just want to try every day to understand her and not get so upset at her so quickly. She is going through a lot right now as well and she is really busy with the house so I just need to understand that she gets stressed out and be patient. I really think that this might work and that things will get better between us... at least I hope!

But I am excited to be home and I am so excited to see everyone!