Instant Gratification

So I have been having a hard time lately with everything basically and I am just so ready to come home. I am sick of living in the dorms and living with these people. But long story short, I had a complete melt down the other night. It was so bad I ended up calling Jerie at 1 am balling my eyes out. It finally just hit me how upset I am here (Thanks God I only have three weeks left) just how much I miss my dad and Jerie and being home. But I was writing an email to my dad and it just slapped me across the face. So I just started balling and I figured the only person that would truly understand how I was feeling about missing my dad was Jerie. Thankfully she answered the phone and we were able to talk. We had an amazing heart to heart and she definitely made me feel better. But there was one thing in particular that we talked about. We talked about how I am having a hard time being here because I am not seeing the benefits of being at school right now. Therefore, I feel completely useless because I am not getting instant gratification. But then to add on to what Jerie and I talked about, my dad emailed me back and told me that one of my problems is that I am so used to the instant gratification and I haven't had that.



In high school everything I did I saw direct and instant results. There was a constant gratification because I had so much to look at the I had accomplished and I had done. I felt like I had a place in high school and I was comfortable and happy there. I knew that I had something new to do every week and that people would see what I did. Anything from writing for the newspaper, cheering at a game, making posters or anything else I was always needed for something and I was useful. But since I have been at college I have not been needed like I have been used to and I haven't felt useful at all. I feel like I have been doing nothing with my life because I have not been able to help other people. I have been sitting in my dorm room everyday being lazy and doing nothing useful.



Not only am I used to the instant gratification because of high school, but everything around me produces instant gratification. I am instantly able to talk to someone just by punching a few keys on my phone. I am instantly able to "catch-up" with my friends by logging on to Facebook or MySpace and I am instantly able to talk to my dad who is half way around the world just by sending him and email. There are all these things in my life and provide instant gratification. Even if its not gratification it is instant results. Fast food, Cell phones, TiVo, ATMs, and everything else in this world.



I have come to expect things instantly and I have become so impatient when I do not get things the second I want them. Even simple things like waiting in a line has become tedious and I find myself constantly trying to find the shortest line so that I can easily and quickly get onto the next thing. Everything has to be done instantly and when its not I get so annoyed and just frustrated. But then again, who in this world isnt used to the instant gratification and instant results? That is the kind of world we live in now and it is really sad. Why cant we just be fine when things are not done instantly? It makes me sad and I wish I had an answer and was able to fix it but I can't. As much as I full heartedly believe that I need to become more patient I know I am going to have the hardest time trying to be patient. It is such a horrible characteristic and I am going to try so badly to not be so impatient.