Just Friends

Its always the strangest feeling when you are finally able to view a guy you used to like as just a friend. The transition to liking them so much to all of a sudden just wanting to be their friend. I guess there will always be some sort of feelings for them, but for the most part you are completely happy just being their friend.

I'm only thinking about his because there is this boy that I met a few months ago here at school. The first second I met him I knew I was going to like him. I thought he was so cute and he seemed like such a chill person! Before I started hanging out with him on a regular basis I came up with excuses to go into his room... I know, I'm a loser! But then once I started hanging out with him and getting to know him I really did start to like him. We have so much in common and he is so different then any other boy I know. I actually kinda trust him which is so weird! Anyways, I really started to like him, so I started to get really nervous around him. Whenever I would say goodbye I would get too nervous to hug him, and I always felt like I was saying to most retarded things when I was with him.

I have been confused the whole time I have known him about whether he likes me or not. He sends the most mixed signals in the entire world and its so hard to read him. Some times he says something and I'm like "Yeah he like me" and then others i tell myself "No, there is no way he likes me!" Its kind of like that Sex and the City episode where Carrie is trying to figure out what is going on between her and Aiden. (I can't believe I just made a SatC reference. HAHA!) Anyways, its been extremely difficult to figure him out. Plus, I would never ask him, I am such a chicken when it comes to talking to people about stuff like that. I just think it makes everything awkward and there is no way in hell I would ever ask him how he feels about me. It was also difficult because we were always with his roommate and our friend that I introduced them to. I swear, the three of them were attached at the hip!!!

So when I was finally able to hang out with him alone I was so excited. We hung out of like three hours and just talked about so much. I talked to him about a lot of things I dint talk to anyone else about, and it felt really nice. I was a little disappointed to say the least when he didn't kiss me that night. I couldn't understand why and I was just so confused. But then a few nights later we hung out alone until like 4 AM and he still didn't try kissing me.

I think that is when I realized that maybe he just doesn't like me the way I wish he would. So then once I made that realization I started to let things that normally wouldn't bother me bother me. I starting thinking about some of the things he says and realized how much they annoy me. As a friend I don't really care that much about it, but I would never be able to deal with it if we were dating. When I'm telling a story and say something like "One time Megan and I..." he always goes "Okay cause I know who Megan is" and it annoys the shit out of me. I don't need him to know who Megan is except for purpose of the story. I don't expect him to know everyone that I know, I just need him to know who else is in the story. If I was limited to telling him only stories about people we both knew then I would have no stories to tell him! But that is just one thing that bugs me about him.

Anyways, I have finally just got to this point where I am okay just being his friend. If something more happens by chance in the future then I will not complain, but now I don't need to be so nervous around him. He is just a friend and I don't even know why I was nervous to begin with, he has always been just a friend. But I'm glad that now I can actually appreciate his friendship and enjoy it instead of wishing and hoping for something more.